CHINESE DEMOCRACY

Without going over some exhaustive list of fucked-up artists with galactic egos, I feel safe in believing the cliche that the crazier an artist is, generally speaking the higher quality of art he will produce. Of course, the term "crazy" can have many meanings in this context, and I realize that one man's crazy is another man's normal. That being said, I feel equally safe making the unqualified assertion that Axl Rose is a colossal prick who has learned nothing from life.

Following the success of Use Your Illusion I and II, Guns N Roses split up, due in no small part to Axl's, um, "difficult" personality. Instead of taking a brief hiatus and then releasing a mediocre yet listenable solo album like most former lead singers, Axl retained ownership of the GNR name and spent the next 16 years masturbating to pics of himself and teasing fans with the imminent release of the mystical Chinese Democracy album. The album was finally released in late 2008, but by that time many GNR fans had lost interest, had kids, fought in wars, or started bands of their own. The good news for the remaining GNR fans is that Axl seemed immune to the hard lessons of life that have a tendency to bring a sense of maturity and perspective to many normal folk.

Don't get me wrong: I'm all for youthful rebellion, a hearty fuck you to your parents, schools, teachers, preachers, and all the other meanies conspiring to steal your individuality. But you know what? That shit stops being cute after a certain age. I am not sure exactly what age that is, but I'm pretty sure it's something before 46, Axl's age at the time of the release of Chinese Democracy. See, Axl spent a good deal of time giving the finger to the world in the late 80s and early 90s, and it made sense. Then.

One would be inclined to think that, given the realization of his own mortality that typically comes with middle age, Axl would have "mellowed" a bit and taken some responsibility for his own role in the vaudevillian mess his life had become. But no no. Instead of the brittle self-awareness offered by country great Merle Haggard ("Mama tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied. That leaves only me to blame 'cos Mama tried"), we get the petulant whine of a 16 year old boy content to sit alone in a room and hate his "wrongdoers":

"You like to hurt me
You know that you do
You like to think
In some way
That it's me

And not you(But we know that isn't true)"

Of course it isn't, Axl. How could it ever possibly be you? The song, Sorry, is rumored to be about former bandmate, Slash, but of course, it could be about any number of villains that have victimized poor Axl over the past 46 years. Not only is there no ownership of personal responsibility for any of his many problems, there is the utter lack of understanding of the wall of self-deception he has had to put in place to rationalize his life:

"It's harder to live
With the truth about you
Than to live with
The lies about me"

Well, yes, lies are often easier to live with than the truth. That's why people tell themselves so many of them. Victim boy doesn't quite seem to get this, and I'm sure the "lies" he is referring to are the versions of events his "enemies" have offered. Regardless, the spectacle of a 46 year old man challenging the world to a fight for "hassling" him Holden Caulfield-style is a sad one indeed. Please join me in inviting former GNR frontman and current crybaby pussyboy Axl Rose to grow the fuck up.

INSOMNIA

It really is a gift from the gods, if you think about it. Some of the most creative thinking and problem-solving happens in those still, quiet hours when you either (a) haven't been able to sleep and got up or (b) slept for about 2 or 3 hours and woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. Whatever mental turbulence is keeping you up can be quelled by the silent reflection in those psychotic fucking moments of reverie that accompany solitude and fatigue. The best is when you can see the light starting to come through the shades and hear the birds boastfully announcing their existence. This is when lives can be (emphasis on can) altered forever. This is also why you should throw away your fucking sleeping pills.