MY FANTASY LIFE AS A FAMILIAR

But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had
And what you lost.

Deep in every man's heart, I think, is that first taste of female beauty; the first time you realized what a gorgeous and mystifying race of creatures these beings were. I'm not talking about a first crush, as that could be anything with a pair of tits and a sassy 'tude. No, the feeling to which I refer runs a little deeper, a little stronger than a crush. No, I'm talking about one of those moments where a boy comes to the realization that girls are part of an alien and wonderful race all their own, with a different purpose and meaning that their male counterparts couldn't possibly comprehend.

For better or for worse, that moment came for me the first time I had heard Stevie Nicks on the radio. Her voice was like something from another universe, angelic and ethereal. She sang about things magical and other-worldly, the vibrato in her voice emphasizing the mysteries in her untamed soul.

Even more alluring was that she was rumored to be a witch. Coming from an ultra-fundamentalist background, there were few things more intriguing to me than a beautiful blonde who violated God's holy laws and sought to manipulate nature for her own ends. I used to fantasize about being her minion, her familiar, subverting my needs for her own witchy desires.

And he was just like a great dark wing
Within the wings of a storm
I think I had met my match,
He was singing...
And undoing...
And undoing...
The laces
Undoing the laces

Her voice spoke of a world where lovers embraced late into the night, murmuring things to each other too pristine for the vulgarity of the everyday world. Her clothing was loose and flowing, befitting of a creature of the wild. She was everything I had been taught to fear, and everything I longed to embrace.

She is older now, of course, and much of the mystique is gone. But her voice and her beauty still take me somewhere I want to be. And for that, she will always be my first real love.

Black shadow of a woman
Black widow
Pale shadow of a dragon
Death woman